Noodles

Dancing noodles make me happy. There are so many types of noodles and so many different ways to dance... though there are lots more types of dance than noodles but it doesn't really matter. Actually I'm sure Italians would probably disagree with me, but there are pretty contradictory people. Also I'm 10% sure that they only know how to glide across the floor and look moody. That may be goths though... But I think goths and Mafia based pizza/bottomless pasta for €9.99 are synonymous. Or is it 9.99€? I am culturally sensitive! Fear my mighty power!!
I just realised that bottomless food is pretty much an American trait, perhaps the goth Mafia breeds together different types of pasta to make new shinier noodles then feeds the unholy mutant gnocchi-tortellini offspring to American tourists for the noodling cheepy prices. Which only increases their belief that noodles are way more prevalent than differing types of dances.

Aside from that though it's really not important, if a dusty dry piece of taken tries to can can who am I to object? I would suggest that it warms up itself up before it starts though, probably by soaking in some hot steamy liquid but its not like the success of the dance depends on if it listens to me. Except in that example it kinda is. Also all the other ones that take place in my brain box, which some may argue is all of them. Shush metaphorical some people! Maybe I don't give the best example for humanity to follow. I never claimed to be logical or linear in my thought process's! I think noodles need to moisten to become great dancers, it's like how humans practise for years to become great only in a sitting relaxing in a hot pot of water kinda way. I suppose the fresh one are already flexible but they are young and not yet dried out of eaten. Saying they are supple and moist inside age calling them young feels like a really immoral thing to say... so I will not do that. Please note.

Also Strawberry bootlaces totally count, I don't care if they claim to be a sugary treat made of bounciness and crystallised joy. They are long and thin and almost count as edible, what more could you want from noodle based life? Also one time I saw one of them attempting to disco dance because it was under the bizarre impression that it is still the 70's. Silly candy treat, is the now time not the past!

My body hates me

Its pretty much a solid fact now that my body officially hates me as its all powerful and supreme consciousness. There was a meeting last night on how to sabotage me. Luckily it was only my joints that teamed up and did not think to involve the limbs or other bones. Somehow they have gained the ability to create black hole like objects but which only focus on a specific thing. In this case, they have all installed tiny black holes which feed on energy. Without it my joints are sore and useless, and my limbs are slowly being affected too. Im luckily mini black holes still follow the laws of gravitational pull is equals to current mass so its not happening mega fast but still. I woke up barely able to move, who knows if they'll let me wake up tomorrow...

Self awareness cannot be guaranteed

Sometimes people get depressed. This is normal and fine. Well sort of. At any rate being constantly happy is not healthy, if only because as humans we adapt pretty quickly so a higher form of endorphin release is necessary. What is thought of as happiness devalues to contentment and then to normality, then when the things that made you happy go away then your left alone feeling like the world has been ripped away from you. Your brain can't function,  it's left grasping for something, anything that makes it feel alive. Sometimes there is no hope, but if you want to learn to enjoy the small pleasures in life you can be in for a surprise.

In the dead of night, when you are at your lowest a creature shall emerge. It'll slink in stealthily, treading silently on velveted footsteps and slowly make its way to your unconscious form. Once in range it'll float through the air like a whisper and hover above you. The low rumblings of a growl begin to form, its jaw starts to open and the hot meaty breath oozes onto your flesh. As your body begins to wake, the fear reflex kicking in, a strand of warm sticky drool makes it way onto your face. Your eyes flash open and stare straight into the bright amber eyes of the beast. Before you have chance to scream it moves, grabbing any available body part in its gaping maw and drags you out of the warm fortress and into the night. Faster than you can understand you are draped across its back and riding through the night, then suddenly your dropped and fall into unconsciousness. When you awake all that exists is confusion and disorientation, but then it becomes clear that your somewhere warm, and bright, and feels oh so safe. A feeling begins to trickle in, something fuzzy that reminds you of better times. The times when you were able to be content with life. Maybe you walk a while, simply enjoying the simple state of being. Or maybe things move around you, it's hard to tell, whatever the case soon you come across a tree. There is nothing special about the tree, at least no more so than any other tree in existance. It is simply a tree striving to reach the sun and bask in its warm. Upon the tree there sits a cat. A large one, simply reclining on a branch then as if sensing your presence it begins to lazily stretch. Its head rises and its eyes flash open staring deep into yours. Those terrifying endlessly deep, impossibly huge eyes that you saw before arriving in this place, only this time they don't vanish they stare deeper into your soul. You hear or rather feel a voice explain to you how important it is to learn to enjoy the small pleasures in life. The brightness of the eyes begins to burn and you fall away into darkness once again.

The next morning your not sure what's happening, your back in your bed and you feel... not awful. You wouldn't go as far as to say good, but this is such a huge improvement you barely comprehend. Then you reach down and realise your bed seems somewhat more sandy than is usual by anyones standards, somehow it was real. You understand how important the little things in life can be and slowly learn to enjoy them once more.

Of zombies and bunnies

Once upon a time there was a lovely little village, all was happiness and joy until one fateful day. The day Axel was born. Things started to go badly, slowly at first but when he was old enough to go to bunny school there was a turn for the worse. He tried to make friends but for some reason all the other bunnies looked down on young Axel. He couldn't understand why and tried very hard to make the others like him but still he was looked down upon. For some reason they thought he was evil and would not be his friend. Even after Axel ate their parents so they would be free from the tyranny of bed times. Poor Axel just couldn't understand it, and was very confused and lonely. Then when he was at his darkest moment, a realisation struck him if he couldn't be loved and get anybunny else to play with him then he would find a way to be in charge. That way someone would have to play with him!
Axel studied hard at school and discovered science. For some reason all the bunnies feared him even more, but now he was stronger and used his science powers to make a new friend... luckily he had parts lying around from those that had wronged him. He named his new friend Herbert and thought he was most beautiful. Unfortunately for poor Axel, he soon realised his new friend was Jewish and was forced to remove his skin. Now he roams the forest looking for new parts for a suitable wife for young Herbert. He looks forward to playing with their children, but there are only so many pinecones you can remove from a friend before it gets questionable. And thus we have learned no friend is perfect even if you make them yourself.

Peruvian ramblings

Ok so Im almost back from Peru, by which I mean that I fly today at 7pm and I get back to England the next day at 5pm. Thats an insane amount of flying, until you realize it does factor in 6 hours of time delay so in reality its a stupid amount of flying AND jetlag.

My key issue is whilst Ive had an utterly wonderful time out here and quiet frankly would never leave if it were up to me, I still cant get over my disapointment that there are no llamas on Peru money. I mean why? Thats all Peru is, llamas and tourists! America has a non existant bird on their money (or so Im lead to believe), we have the queen on ours. Those are my two examples. Get your famous animals on your money people! Oh I hear you cry but llamas are not everywhere so it would be unfair to the people who dont have access to llama lovin to display them upon the monies. Well the queen isnt everywhere either buddy, contrary to popular belief we dont all know her and go around the corner to her palace for tea. I obviously do, but the others are less lucky. Im fairly certain that Americas bird is no where, but it may be somewhere. In the hearts of its citizens perhaps? But no one can see it so it doesnt count in this example.

 Oh but maybe its racist or culturally insensitive to have positive sterotypical views of a country on your money? you know what? Good! Everything would be better if a country made itself look cooler by displaying its awesomeness upon its money. Like if Peru money had llamas on it, they could have a festival once a year where llamas are paraded around the country being bad ass and everyone gets drunk and dances. Then that one guy takes it too far steals one and tries to spit roast it on a beach somewhere, but thats tourists for you. Ruining everything for the honest hard working Peruvian people! Then in America they could have trailer trash and black people eating chicken or corn or whatever. I dont know, black people eating anything is considered racist in America nowadays right? Of course if the money spends longer than 24 hours outside a bank it will explode in a tiny nuclear explosion and there will be mushroom clouds of joy appearing. A country that can laugh at its own stereotypes is no longer ruled by them and will kick the ass out of everyone. It wont matter that people make jokes about it because they did it first. Though its not really animal based and Im pretty sure it may be hailed as the next halocaust... But the only other badass thing america has is bears, and that just would start a war between them and Russia or be hailed as communistic. Probably best to just keep the dead bird as being America I think. Obviously Russia would be bears and smell like vodka. The Euro would just have a picture of a table with a thing to represent the country so whiskey, cheese, sausages, chocolate, beer all that stuff. But it would look like a poor attempt to outdo Austrailia for awesomeness. Their money would look like a child overdosed on cake and coke and went crazy with a pencil. Just every animals that can kill you squished into once place. Maybe theyd be cool and group it together so the 5 notes would have insects, the 10s would have snakes, the 20s the marsupials, 50s the sea things and if they have 100s which I think everywhere does (except England because we dont even believe 50s are real most of the time) all the sea stuff that will murder you good. Everyone would go there instantly. Money with pretty things on it! Seriously how could anyone resist?

Ok when I get back I will draw money that countries should have so prepare to be updated in an amount of time!

Ah!!

Where did the time go? These last few weeks have been insanly crazy juice, with buying lots and lots of things to put in my suitcase. I leave tomorrow to adventure in the best kind of way and possibly get malaria in the heart of Peru. I could post my half finished blog posts but it would probably be for the best if I didnt. I dont like the thought of posting an unfinished post and I would have to finish it. I just do not have the time to do so though. 


I leave you good people until the middle of August!!

My brain is stupid!

Stupid stupid brain!!

I spend ages trying to think of new things to talk or write about, but my brain just goes on strike. I go for a walk all alone and suddenly all the awesome things that normally exist in my thought processes start falling out of my ears.

I think it may have been the most depressing walk ever, I had all these things I had to say but there was no one around and no technology capable of being typed upon. I started shaking, knowing that by the time I returned to typing devices half the thoughts would have melted away. Lo and behold it has happened :(


I remember some stuff, but my thought patterns can be so erratic that I cant remember how I got to them. 


Though Im going to have to go through all my pictures and rename them to the names I gave them in their adventures. I cant remember what half of them are called and Im afraid I will call new characters similar names. That would clearly be disastrous! If a bear and a hedgehog were accidently ever called the same name then clearly I would have to tell the tragic love story that happened should the two ever meet up, or the dull encounter of them not caring about sharing the same name. I forget where this is heading.. see this is how daft my brain juices are!