The purple lady

Apparently I am a terrible person. I actually promised words and started thinking about writing them, then got scared and confused because I was planning silly things and so hid away from my blog. But this is my blog and I shouldnt hide from it, especially since its not really read by anyone. I mean if I had a large amount of subscribers then I would be justified in hiding in a cardboard box and weeping into a ham, since I dont I did neither of those things but thought about writing then thought "Nah." 


I saw a fabulous old lady today, but in order for you to appreciate the joy that she brought me I must tell a story. This is the tale of the old sexy purple lady.


One fair afternoon, during my very first year at university I was sat drinking cocktails in one of the student pubs guarding a friends possessions and potentially awaiting the arrival of others. We were sat near the window so we could lure people away from the evils of lectures with the holy promises of losing ones inhibitions and enjoying tasty things. I was trying to build an octopus out of straws that still allowed for drinking when I realised it was pretty much a ridiculous task and looked up and out of the window I saw the most beautiful thing. Walking across from me was one of the best things I have ever seen. It was an old lady. Everything about her, expect for her skin was purple. She had short lilac hair, and was wearing a deep velvet purple jacket with a matching hat. She was wearing a purple skirt, Im not entirely certain if she had legs as they were either out of my vision or I dont believe in them. She walked up to a nearby wall placed her purple handbag on it, took out a purple mirror fluffed up her hair then put it away and continued on her journey.

The magical old purple lady.

I ran out the door and into my friend as he returned from his quest for lung cancer with a smooth taste. By the time I detangled myself and made it outside she had completely vanished. I was left bitter and disappointed that I had missed her, though its probably for the best as I may have just asked her to marry me. I saw her again occasionally, though mostly when I was running late to lectures so I could never be sure it was her as it was just a glance. The one time I say her for longer than a second I realised not only is gay marriage illegal, but that telling her how awesome of an old lady she was and how I wished to be quiet as cool when I was old would probably be quiet creepy and would result in me getting hit round the head with a purple bag. Probably filled with purple bricks. Just the thought of that little old purple lady makes me smile, and realise that not all old people are grumpy or crazy some actually have spirit and fire left in them. Isnt that something that brings joy to the hearts of all?


Now that you fully understand just how amazing this old lady was, though I probably failed to mention some key points and made myself sound really creepy and with a fetish for the elderly. The latter of those at the very least is not currently true, though I hope it is when I am myself elderly as otherwise I would be a creepy old man. The fact that I would need an elderly sex change to make that happen would make me even creepier... Im disturbing myself now and Im fairly certain that the original point I wanted to make got away from me slightly.. Regardless, wonderous purple lady makes me smile everything I think of her as she represents life continues etc. Whilst riding the bus this fair morn I saw a truely amazing hairstyle on this 50something black lady. I dont say that to be judgemental but because she was one of the unlucky ones that grow afro like hair, which looks good on the males but hasnt looked good on females since scary spice. However it was really short so it looked rather fluffy, but with longer bits that were sticking up that were red. I was honestly impressed by this, because it looked so amazingly good and must have taken so much effort to do. It was honestly one of the best hair things I have ever seen. After this another black lady got on the bus with long braids, some of which were bright pink. I swear it was like amazing black female hair day today or something. Though I mean it was only two... but thats two more people with really funky hair than I saw on any other ethnicity today!


I feel more people should make an effort to make their hair look fabulous and unique even if its just with something shiny in it. The sparkles will attract more sparkly things and soon people will be walking around wearing glitter ball hats. Which would be amazing... maybe I should just do that anyway. Or maybe a big floppy hat with wondrous objects around the side to dazzle people.

This is what I need, its like an up to date easter bonnet... with no mention of spring or easter... it will be the most magnificent thing I ever did own. I would walk down the street and hummingbirds would throw flowers at my feet thats just how great life would be if I owned this.


Ok its bugging me, the amount of effort and work to get all the red bits the same length and so uniform around the head confuses me... crap it was probably a hat.